The Secret Weapon Against Bullies: Humor

Anyone who has witnessed one of Donald Trump’s fits on Twitter after Alec Baldwin portrays him on Saturday Night Live knows the man hates being laughed at. This is quite true for bullies across the board—humor at their expense makes them quiver. Not only do they not have a sense of humor, but they are incapable of understanding how humor humanizes someone in leadership. Instead, they just attack.

One of the most well known cases of a bully taking on someone with a superb and self-deprecating sense of humor took place between former Daily Show host Jon Stewart and Donald Trump in 2013. Trump had tweeted, “I promise you I’m much smarter than Jonathan Leibowitz, I mean Jon Stewart, who by the way is totally overrated.” Stewart wasn’t sure if Trump was trying to “out” him as a Jew—“Doesn’t my face do that?” Stewart said—or insinuate something more sinister, but he was quick on the retort. It took Trump a full four days to come up with his lame response.

The bully’s thin skin is also why Trump hates cartoonist Gary Trudeau who is fond of portraying the current president warts and all. Trudeau isn’t the only comic strip artist who gets under Trump’s skin; he’s joined by cartoonists around the world. However, the image that for my money best captured Trump’s persona was posted yesterday by cartoonist DWITT who inked the strip at the top of this page. It’s the artist’s depiction of Trump’s gag order to government science agencies and the rebellion begun by the National Park Service.  Clearly he struck a nerve—now most of the agencies have an alternative, non-governmental Twitter account and a science march on Washington is being planned.

Employees who are working for bully bosses much like Trump can take this comedic energy to help them cope and combat their negative working conditions. But please don’t put your position at risk—take a page from the rogue scientists and do it anonymously and not during working hours. A healthy dose of humor can keep toxic environments from becoming normalized and help activists in the workplace, and in society, fight for psychologically healthy, safe and fair conditions. 

Credit: DWITT

When the Bully-in-Chief Directly Affects Your Workplace

When Donald Trump won the Republican nomination, I hoped that my work to create psychologically healthy, safe and fair workplaces and end adult bullying wouldn’t have to be applied to the highest office in the land. But now we find ourselves with a chief executive who is forbidding the sharing of data from the National Park Service, the USDA and the Environmental Protection Agency. This is bullying in the extreme.

When I began my work on adult bullying, it was received with skepticism. Now it is suddenly starting to resonate with those skeptics who find themselves living in fear because their rights and privileges are being targeted by the Bully-in-Chief. The only good news is that Trump is doubling down on revealing who he is and what he stands for—himself. This is good news because it should encourage our elected representatives to reinforce the fragile checks and balances that are required to ensure the integrity of democracy. If they don't, the entire world will fall into what I call The Bully’s Trap—the ensnaring of the innocent by creating toxic circumstances in which they incriminate themselves.

Stanley Milgram in "Obedience to Authority" wrote, "... ordinary people simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible disruptive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority." 

We are witnessing this disruptive process in real time in prime time. It has never been more urgent for us to understand how bullies function to inform our response. 

Credit: Ron Niebrugge

Can Wells Fargo’s New Plan Save the Day?

Based on research I have done in workplace dynamics, how employees are assessed is the single biggest determiner of an organization’s culture. Wells Fargo provides a classic case study, validating this assertion.

In my book From Bully to Bull's-Eye I describe how performance management systems can either motivate people to perform to full potential or create toxic environments where people are pitted against each other and or have to resort to unethical and illegal behaviors to meet expectations.

Wells Fargo in rolling out a new plan based on customer experience to replace sales goals, a good step in their initiative to regain the trust of their customers. But to be successful the new plan must be part of an overall initiative.

 The new plan should not be considered a magic bullet, but must be in agreement with everything an organization does, including how it is governed and its structure, decision making, risk management, communication, and intelligence gathering.  All of this determines the outcome of value exchanges with various stakeholders and aligns the company with values, beliefs, principles, purpose, visions and initiatives. 

Based on my experience, if Wells Fargo takes the approach I suggest they will regain the trust of their employees first—who will then become positive ambassadors to regain the trust of their customers. In this I wish them the best of luck.

The Revolutionist of the Week: The Marchers

This week's Revolutionist of the Week goes to all of the people who participated in the Women's March.

In my new book, From Bully to Bull's Eye: Move Your Organization out of the Line of Fire (RCJ Press; January 10, 2017) I encourage employees who work in toxic environments to become activists to force cultural transformations, invoking the words of Mohandes K. Gandhi:

"It is possible for a single individual to defy the whole might of an unjust empire to save his honor, his religion, his soul, and lay the foundation for that empire's fall or its regeneration."

The Women's March by all indicators was an incredible success in making people’s voices heard. From my perspective these events are just a beginning. Event organizers have indicated that they will be following up with other events and activities to become what in essence could be a powerful, and much needed, opposition as well as a check and balance to the new administration.

The current opposition parties and checks and balances are very fragile, and cannot be relied on to protect democracy and the hard-fought rights, privileges and core values that clearly are at risk. This void can be filled by the power of positive, effective protests and activism.

Here are my top tips for protest organizers and participants:

·       Be inclusive. What you are embarking on should not become a partisan undertaking. Given the diversity of the people involved, you should recognize that there is diversity in viewpoints and areas of concerns, and to shut these people out, will dilute your effectiveness. Also, realize that many Republicans share your frustrations and concerns; to become truly effective don’t limit your resistance to just the Democratic Party.

·       Define your purpose. Knowing what to fight and what not to fight is critical. Your purpose should be to protect democracy, rights, privileges and core values—not to mention keeping government honest and transparent.

·       Differentiate between dislikes and what is fundamentally wrong. There is no question that most people do not like the fact that Donald Trump is president. To try to unseat him because he is unpopular is not only futile, it is undemocratic. However, if Trump and/or his surrogates were complicit with the Russians in influencing the election, that would be considered fundamentally wrong—even treasonous. If this is not dealt with swiftly and according to the Constitution, then a demand to do so must be fought for with vigor. A recently launched twitter campaign to force Trump to deliver on his promises to release his tax information is an excellent example of positive and effective activism. Trump continues to ignore the demands of the people and give us the finger, as rationalized by senior counselor Kellyanne Conway, “He is not going to release his tax returns. We litigated this all through the election. People didn’t care; they voted for him, and let me make this very clear: most Americans are very focused on what their tax returns will look like while President Trump is in office, not what his look like.”  Forcing Trump to release his returns should put to rest whether he misrepresented to the electorate and his financial relationships with other countries.

·       Challenge “alternative facts.”  This term was coined by Kelly Conway this weekend over the absurd debate about the size of the crowds at the inauguration. By whatever name a lie is a lie is a lie. Bullies are masters of manipulation, deception, deflection, deceit and denial. As an expert in adult bullying, there is no question in my mind that Trump is a bully. Every time he is exposed for using “alternative facts” inundate your members of Congress with calls, letters and social media to force them to hold Trump accountable for his lies.

·       Appreciate that “right makes might.” When you stake your position, make sure that right is on your side. There are many things that Trump will do that you may not like, but they may be things that he has every right to do. Yes, these can be challenged, but at the end of the day unpopular decisions are still his right. The most effective challenge is at the ballot box. Marshal your facts, consult with experts, and form alliances with like-minded groups to make real and lasting change—with right on your side.

·       Pick your battles—not everything is equal. Be viewed as enablers rather than restrainers. A key factor in what we are experiencing was caused by years of polarization and gridlock. Legislators of both parties became restrainers. Part of the reason Trump was elected was to break this gridlock. Adding more gridlock will make you part of the problem, not the solution.

Godspeed. You are on a critically important journey.

Credit: Chicago Tribune

The Measure of the New Administration That Really Counts

Today, Donald Trump was sworn into office as president of the United States.  I was amazed at how his inaugural address was so completely the voice of the bully. “Protection will lead to greater prosperity and strength,” he said.

Later on he said, “At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice.”

A bully wants nothing more than complete, unwavering loyalty. As Greg Sargent wrote in the Washington Post, “The implied subtext here is that if racial or ethnic prejudice continues to exist it Trump’s America, it will be due to the failure of its victims to be sufficiently zealous in their total devotion to country.”

This has made me reflect on something Trump said Thursday: “One thing we’ve learned we have by far the highest IQ of any Cabinet ever assembled.” Setting aside the fact that no one has administered an IQ test to previous Cabinets so we have no metric by which to measure, this may or may not be true. However, one thing is for sure—this president and his team seem to be sadly lacking in EQ. Like most bullies his emotional intelligence continues to be sadly lacking. 

Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Cabinet Nominees Need to Pass a Psychological Evaluation

During my years as a senior executive I found that one of the most important tools we had for hiring the right managers and avoiding bullies was a psychological assessment. The results spoke for themselves and most went on to be outstanding leaders. Should the top jobs in the United States government be held to no less a standard?

As excellent as some of the questions have been during the cabinet nominee confirmation hearings —kudos to Sen. Elizabeth Warren for being extremely well prepared—what is not being assessed is psychological and emotional stability. In my new book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire I have devoted an entire chapter to understanding a candidate’s emotional and psychological fitness. The congressional committees currently questioning Donald Trump’s nominees need this information in order to do their jobs properly.

What seems clear is that Trump is populating his cabinet with people who because of wealth or temperament are used to getting their own way and don’t factor in the information they need to make informed decisions. In this recent article in POLITICO, Trump’s biographers discussed how his competitive personality and fragile ego has created someone who prefers to pick fights and game the system for his own profit. The people he’s assembled (with perhaps the exception of Marine General James Mattis) seem to be cut from the same cloth. They are clearly lacking in inclusiveness, sensitivity and temperament. Sadly, the same can be said for the man who will be inaugurated tomorrow. His lack of psychological suitability is no surprise—The Atlantic wrote about it back in June—but a law requiring an assessment for these top jobs would go a long way to protecting the country, and the world, from unsuitable leaders. 

Credit: Washington Post

Know the Difference Between a Demanding and an Unreasonable Boss

More and more employees have to deal with intrusions on their personal time every day. The coping mechanisms cited in this Wall Street Journal article are naive (such as offering to work 12-hour days instead of giving up your Saturdays) and don't usually have the desired impact. I have found in my research that one must distinguish between a demanding boss and a unreasonable boss. A demanding boss expects results and is usually open to being challenged on reasonableness and will negotiate expectations of subordinates. An unreasonable boss is usually a bully whose motivation is to make the subordinate fail. So before adapting a coping mechanism, make sure you understand what you are dealing with. My new book From Bully to Bull's Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire (RCJ Press; January 10, 2017) will help you make this distinctio.

Credit: BIGSTOCK

Trump Chief of Staff Models the First Tenet of Bullies: Deflection

When bullies want to take escape blame they turn to the classic “Ds” of bullydom: deflection, deception, deceit and denial. Donald Trump’s Chief of Staff Reince Priebus was using more deflection than a Federation starship under attack when he recently spoke to George Stephanopoulos and threatened the head of the Office of Government Ethics. He warned that Director Walter Shaub should “be careful” and suggested he should be investigated for supporting Hillary Clinton during the election.

Trying to switch attention and blame to another party is a classic bullying tactic and a hallmark of the Trump team. The truth is that they need to grow up, wake up and come clean. We still haven’t seen Trump’s taxes and until they start fulfilling the minimum requirements of office, they have given us no reason to believe anything they say.

Bullying in the workplace and creating psychologically health, safe and fair workplaces is the focus of Andrew Faas’ new book From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire.

Credit: . M. Scott Mahaskey/POLITICO

America’s Greatest Anti-Bullying Hero: Rep. John Lewis

In honor of Martin Luther King Day, I’m honored to pay tribute to one of our greatest living revolutionists, Rep. John Lewis of Georgia as our Revolutionist of the Week. As you know, Lewis has been in the news because he declared Donald Trump’s campaign illegitimate due to the interference from Russia. Trump’s response was swift: in his now familiar bullying style, he tweeted that America’s most respected Civil Rights hero, the man who repeatedly put his body on the line in non-violent protest, was “all talk.”  

Trump is a textbook definition of a bully—attempting to deflect criticism instead of dealing with the real issues of foreign interference. The fact that he tried to turn Lewis into the villain is a perfect example of what I call “the bully’s trap” and the ultimate in a bully’s attempt at deflection. There’s a lot at stake here and I believe that Trump’s lashing out is indicative of someone who has something to hide. A person wrongly accused does everything he can to prove himself innocent—this has not been the case. We know quite a lot about John Lewis and his credibility. On the other hand, with every tweet and remark Trump loses credibility, often contradicting himself and his own remarks.

I was pleased and gratified to see that March, the 2013 graphic novel trilogy by Lewis with Andrew Aydin and Nate Powell sold out over the weekend and became the bestselling books on Amazon—so much that all of the books are out of stock. It fills me with hope that Americans are following the example set by Lewis and his mentor, the great Dr. King. Both personify emotional intelligence; they are men who knew themselves and stood firm for their beliefs and values. They are the perfect role models for these times.

As Trump puts our democracy at risk, please consider their example. To quote Mohandas K. Gandhi, whose work inspired Dr. King, “It is possible for a single individual to defy the whole might of an unjust empire to save his honor, his religion, his soul, and lay the foundation for that empire's fall or its regeneration.”

Credit: Public Domain

Thank you Rep. Lewis for showing us the way.

Predicting What Trump Will Do Next

We keep reading in the media about the utter unpredictability of Donald Trump, but I say this is nonsense. From my study of bullies and how bullying works, I know exactly what he’s going to do next. But first, let me give you some background.

Over the years I’ve become something of an expert on adult bullies—I was one early in my career until a wise supervisor set me straight, later on I sadly confess I was at times a bystander to bullying. I’ve been the victim of bullying so severe I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD, and today I’m an advocate for victims of bullying. I’ve dedicated my career to preventing and ending bullying in the workplace, which has inspired two books as well as my foundation’s current partnership with the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and our joint Emotion Revolution in the Workplace initiative.

So I can reasonably declare that I’ve learned how bullies work. They are masters of manipulation, deflection, deception, deceit and denial and no one is better at bullying than Donald Trump. Bullies are particularly dangerous when their back is against the wall and the growing agitation about Trump’s connection with Russia is going to have his back against the bricks very soon. The onus is on Congress and the Republicans to force disclosure before the inauguration because it will be easier to prevent Trump from being inaugurated than to try to impeach him afterward. My prediction is if that happens he will do everything he can to maintain his power and control.  He will abuse the power of the presidency up to and including drastic things like martial law.

We only have one week to prevent this disastrous occurrence and I’m deeply concerned. I shared that concern in December when I wrote about my 97-year-old mother who was in the Dutch Resistance in World War II and whose greatest regret was that she didn’t do more to save the victims of the Nazis. That’s why I’m urging you to do what you can and inundate your representatives to demand full disclosure. Don’t let Trump and his people shut you down. Make your voice be heard before it’s too late. America’s future depends upon it.    

Credit: BIGSTOCK