bully boss

When it Comes to Doing Right By Your Coworker, Forget HR

What does it mean to be a bystander in a toxic workplace? Sometimes it means being forced to decide between doing what you know is right and protecting your job. In this excellent installment of The Ethicist in the New York Times Magazine, Kwame Anthony Appiah discusses the quandary of an office worker who knows a young coworker was unjustly fired. The advice given is very sound and reflects the situation that many people face at work. In a perfect world, the correspondent should have been able to go to human resources with her problem. However, as I discuss in From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, in toxic cultures human resources is part of the problem, rather than being part of the solution—which is what makes Appiah’s advice in the column so on target.

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The James Comey Guide for Bullied Employees and Whistleblowers

As an expert in workplace dynamics, I was struck by how today’s Senate Intelligence Committee hearing with former FBI Director James Comey was really an issue aboutworkplace wrongdoing and a bully boss. While a few of the senators asked pointed questions about the Russian investigation and, perhaps in the effort of obfuscation, Hillary Clinton, the questions centered on why Comey was fired.  Comey’s answers really made me sit up and take notice—they were a master class in what to do when dealing with a bully or the need to become a whistleblower.

1. Trust Your Instincts

When Donald Trump sent the attorney general and the vice president out of the Oval Office in order to talk privately to Comey, red flags popped up in Comey’s head. Additional concerns were raised when Trump changed the reason he had fired the FBI director. This is where the skills of emotional intelligence are vital—understanding the mood and tenor of a situation will let you know when to be on your guard.

2. Keep a Paper Trail

Given the red flags and his solo meeting with Trump, Comey felt compelled to keep a detailed account of every interaction they had. This was unnecessary under presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush, who only spoke to Comey on rare occasions and never improperly. Because he kept a paper trail, investigators can now use the documents to get to the truth.

3. Try Not to Be Alone with the Bully Boss

It‘s important to have witnesses when malfeasance happens. Comey knew that Trump’s request to have a meeting alone was highly improper and went to great lengths to keep it from happening again. This is also why he celebrated the idea that there might be tapes.

4. Go to Independent Investigators Outside Your Company

Comey gave the detailed memos he wrote to Justice Department special counsel Robert Mueller III for his investigation for a good reason. According to the New York Times: “I woke up in the middle of the night on Monday night, ‘cause it didn’t dawn on me originally that there might be corroboration for our conversation; there might be a tape,” Mr. Comey said, referring to May 15. “And my judgment was I needed to get that out in the public square so I asked a friend of mine to share the content of the memo with a reporter. Didn’t do it myself for a variety of reasons but I asked him to because I thought that might prompt the appointment of a special counsel. So I asked a close friend of mine to do it.”

For more information about dealing with bully bosses and protecting yourself if you need to become a whistleblower, please read my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire.

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How to Leave a Toxic Legacy

Bully bosses are notorious for being short-sighted—most can see no further than their immediate objective. Given how they manipulate and torture people, it might come as a surprise that many want to be liked—even loved. For a perfect example of this look no further than Donald Trump. In spite of his toxic tweets and abusive statements, he often displays the demeanor of a small child who is aching for adoration.

Ada Brunstein explores a similar type of boss in her recent New York Times essay, “In a Law Office, Coping With a Boss’s Toxic Trail.” In it, she discusses the daily abuse she and other young, female paralegals received from the estate attorney who employed them. The lawyer, whom she calls “Mr. S,” couldn’t understand why his employees disliked him and never stayed long. It couldn’t be the blatant disregard for his staff, his incessant smoking in the office, his temper tantrums or name calling, could it? In fact, his inability to retain staff ultimately hurt his business and did nothing for his legacy.

Leaders should ask themselves how they would like to be remembered. Their behavior reflects directly on how employees feel and why they feel that way and any issues on the boss’s part that impacts the workplace negatively needs to be addressed immediately. Leadership is no place for people who don’t understand—or care—how feelings drive organizational behavior.

Andrew Faas is the author of

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