Lest the Worst of Our History Repeat Itself!

I have always believed in thinking in time. The book by that name offers insights, where had we paid more attention to what the past can teach us for the future, good and bad, the course of history could have been very different.

In The Washington Post, Robert A. Ventresca provides a great perspective on how this dynamic is unfolding before our very eyes. And, as I have written in a previous blog post, we are now witnessing a repeat of history with the systematic dismantling of democracy, the abnormal becoming the normal, and the retaliation of those who oppose.

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I emphasize that unless bystanders become protectors, defenders, resistors and activists, the barbaric barbarians will rule the world, as they almost did in the early 1940’s. Next time it won’t be almost. 

Author: Andrew Faas

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What About the Other 95%?

The news headlines over the past few weeks, about which I have written numerous blogs, have shown how publicly shaming some men, mostly the rich and famous, can actually make a big difference and work. Now, while the topic is still front and center, is the time for us to expose and bring to justice the rest of the predators.

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I discuss the processes to follow to address this societal perhaps the most insidious of our time. From the distinct perspectives of the victim, the bystander and the bully himself, I offer suggestions on how to make the necessary changes within a culture to change it from toxic to healthy.

Additionally, we must look at the broader scope of abuse and harassment. This abhorrent behaviour permeates all levels of society and spares no one. As I have asserted before, one’s gender, occupation level of educational, political affiliation or socioeconomic status has no bearing on who will be the victim, the bystander or the villain. 

Furthermore, usually when sexual abuse and harassment occurs, there are other forms of abuse and harassment.  Evidence of this is the fact that bystanders are afraid to speak up. How else could one explain how the abuses have continued on for, in many cases, decades?

With the groundswell of people coming forward to share their difficult and very personal stories, hopefully the attention that this real threat to our democratic way of life can be properly and effectively addressed. I encourage you to share your stories with me via social media or my webpage. As more and more bystanders find the courage to become a part of the #MeToo movement, the result will be safer and healthier children, families, places of work and communities as a whole.

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WHY ARE WE AFRAID TO USE THE “L” WORD

Having viewed the news and read articles, such as the one by Matt Zapotosky in the Washington Post, I have been appalled by how the legislators and media have avoided the word liar. This is particularly disturbing when the subject is Russia, when Trump’s advisers have ‘spotty’ memories. Those people within Trump’s inner orbit have repeatedly adjusted their stories when confronted with documents or testimony that contradict previous accounts.

This prompted California Senator Ted Lieu to bravely ask Attorney General Jeff Sessions, at his hearing earlier this week, “Were you lying then, or are you lying now”?

CNN reporters Poppy Harlow and John Berman asked Mr. Lieu if he thought that ‘name calling’ was proper; and was it the right example to set for his children? Lieu responded in essence by suggesting that not calling people out sets the wrong example.

I believe that the real issue here is that the so-called justice system is skewed in favour of those who can manipulate their words to technically provide them with cover. Let’s all remember a lie is a lie.

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Turning the Screws on Harassment and Abuse

The Washington Post article by Gretchen Morgenson describes how a federal judge’s ruling delivers a message to Wells Fargo’s board of directors, and others, who may be listening, who are less than vigilant when monitoring their company for misdeeds. This ruling is significant and about time!

Recently, high-profile sexual harassment allegations, about which I have written extensively in my blogposts, are making rank-and-file employees worry about their past workplace actions. In an interesting article by Nellie Bowles in the New York Times, we discover that men are beginning to take notice of their actions. More importantly, and in step with my recent blog, Ms. Bowles references a report from the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that shows all of the money spent on harassment training has had little effect.  The time has come for strong consequences to be applied when inappropriate actions take place whether it is physical, mental or emotional.

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I discuss the responsibilities boards of directors have when it comes to bullying and harassment within their organization. In an article I wrote for the magazine Directors and Boards, which I included in my book, I explain that bullying is potentially the greatest risk an organization can have. Far too often, this type of harassment goes unchecked because it is integral to the culture of the organization. In a later article for the same magazine, I go on to explain that there is real hope for companies both culturally and financially, as the next generation begins to populate the boardrooms, reflecting contemporary values that will address corporate culture.

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Uber Transforms Its Notorious List of Core Values Into Cultural Norms

In an article in The Washington Post, Jena McGregor explores Uber’s new cultural policy, where ‘Hustlin’ is out. Doing ‘the right thing’ is in’.

Uber's new CEO, Dara Khosrowshahi, immediately recognized the need for sweeping changes to the way the company did business. He asked for feedback from more than 1200 employees the company's new cultural 'norms'. He wrote, "the culture and approach that got Uber where it is today is not what will get us to the next level. As we move away from an era of growth at all costs to one of responsible growth, our culture needs to evolve."

Creating a bottoms-up approach is exactly what ‘Emotion Revolution in the Workplace’ initiative is all about. The key to success here is what Uber does about it beyond the words.

 Heidi Brooks, from the Yale School of Management, recognizes that the Uber choice to focus on "norms" rather than values is a nice way of holding the focus on what people actually do, rather than what they intend/pretend to do. We have so much normative behavior around tolerating the gap between intended behavior and actual.

She further shared with me that crowd-sourcing the norms is an interesting choice at this juncture for them. We’re interested to know more about how they weeded out and focused on what they selected. That process could be a powerful one, especially if enacted from the perspective of emotional intelligence.

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I provide specific and pragmatic advice on how to create cultures within organizations that can create the sweeping changes Khosrowshahi envisions. I hope the transition from words on paper to actual practice becomes a reality in the very near future.

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The Stupidity of Harassment Training

The Washington Post reports in an article by Elise Viebeck that the Senate will bring themselves more in line with the rest of the government, as they introduced a bipartisan resolution that would require senators and their aides to undergo periodic training to prevent sexual harassment, a persistent problem on Capitol Hill. I maintain that these namby-pamby trainings, presented well outside of the context where these injustices occur, are a complete waste of time. Frankly, these Senators, as legislators, should be strengthening the laws on abuse, not being brought up to speed on knowing right from wrong! In the words of Trevor Noah, "Let's be clear. Going to sex rehab doesn't absolve you if you committed sex crimes. We're not stupid, guys. There's never been a 'Special Victims Unit' that ends with Ice -T, going, 'Get this serial rapist to Gentle Path at Meadows, I hope you like water aerobics, punk.'"
 
Because of Weinstein, leadership in all sectors is looking for the magic bullet, not to prevent bullying harassment and abuse, but to have a legal shield. This is not sufficient. It has not been since Anita Hill. And it won’t be now, or in the future. It’s 2017 already! I don’t know how many billions have been spent on this sort of training; however, most of these programs are just a bunch of human resource gobbledygook that have little if any positive impact on the problem.

What is required is pretty simple. At first whiff of a problem there should be an intervention, which is a direct one way discussion with the person who is suspected of bullying, harassment or abuse with the following message: “There is noise out there that you may be doing X.” At this point the person will likely try to defend themselves, which should be responded to with, “I am not accusing you; all I am telling you is what I am hearing, and don’t deny me of that. All I want is for the noise to stop; and if you are doing anything that is creating the noise, STOP IT!! Also, if anyone is retaliated against because of this discussion, you’re gone, end of discussion.” 

Throughout my career, I have had this discussion with many people, and in 99 % of the time, the noise stops - and so does the abuse. Now this discussion requires that those who are targeted and bystanders have a safe zone to go to ask that a situation be properly and immediately dealt with. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I provide specific and pragmatic advice on how to create cultures where bullying, harassment and abuse is just not tolerated, and people feel absolutely comfortable coming forward, not having to wait years for situations to get exposed. 

Since my first book on bullying, I have turned down numerous requests to conduct harassment training because people don’t need more training. What they need is less tolerance by leadership - period.

Another observation I will make is that people cannot be trained to not abuse. People need to be told in no uncertain terms, as I discussed in my recent blog, where Lt. Gen. Jay Silveria firmly reminded his audience of some 4000 cadets in an address at the Air Force Academy, that ‘small thinking and horrible ideas’ have no place here.

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Our Children Must Learn That Creativity Comes Not From Agreement, But From Good-Natured Quarreling

An article by Adam Grant in The Washington Post beautifully articulates the argument that learning the art of effectively communicating disagreement and discussing difficult topics civilly is so desperately needed - not just for our children, but for everyone. This reinforces the  blog I recently wrote about Bret Stevens’ lecture, “The Dying Art of Disagreement”.

The biggest barrier to having critical discussions and debate is how emotional intelligence is perceived and taught. For example, EI training has been a big part of the $500 billion spent on leadership training. Understandably most view emotional intelligence as a soft skill because most of what’s out there is a bunch of fluff encouraging people to be “nice”.

In an interview in the Washington Post by Jena McGregor, on October 4, 2017, with the former Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, whom I met at a Mental Health America conference when he was the Surgeon General, summarizes the current challenge when he explains, “I was at a well known university about nine months ago when I was in office and I asked an audience of 400 faculty and students the following question: ‘How many of you look at emotions as a source of weakness versus a source of power?’ And nearly every hand went up. This is the paradigm we have to flip in this country.” 

Our challenge is to change this perception as Dr. Murthy suggests. Yes, we obviously want people to be nice to each other. But it is more important to be kind, as I discuss in my column in Money, Inc. ‘K is for Kindness’. To be kind, one must in many instances relay messages, take actions and make decisions, which not everyone agrees with. Avoiding these discussions, because they are not nice to have, is actually being unkind. Not having this discourse usually denies others of what they need to hear and prevents them from offering a counter perspective. 

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Don’t Let the #MeToo Movement Lose Momentum!

In the Globe and Mail article by Laura Stone, Employment Minister Patty Hadju urges men to speak out about workplace harassment. This comes on the heels of the Harvey Weinstein scandal about which I blogged about recently.

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke out in a blog about being sexually harassed by a best selling author on bullying, Barbara Coloroso, hoping to encourage others to do the same. Like all stories, it becomes old news in a relatively short period of time. This is the kind of story that can be kept alive for a long time, provided that people speak out. Let’s not lose this opportunity and make my story a one-time wonder. I know it is very difficult to share such personal stories; however, to put a stop to this, predators cannot help but take note. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I provide a clear pathway for bystanders to become activists.

Now we should use social media to get your stories out either anonymously, or with your name attached, that will keep the #MeToo movement alive. This is the most likely thing that will stop predators from behaving the way they do.

This is not a gender-specific or industry- specific issue, but one that is rampant throughout the entire business community at large in North America. I’ve been working in this arena for close to a decade in terms of researching and writing about it in blogs, and it really has fallen on deaf ears. I know that attempts have been made to go to the media with this, particularly the print media, who are cowards in tackling this. They claim they lack the resources. However, I know from personal experience that the print media cannot be relied upon to be neutral on this for fear of the companies who are exposed pulling their advertising dollars.

Despite the fact that my story about Barbara Coloroso was not picked up by the media, I am not personally giving up, because by me telling my story, I am encouraging others to come forward as well.

A powerful member of the advertising industry, Cindy Gallop put out a public call on FB for men and women to come forward, she received 150 emails. I am asking that you join me in a campaign asking people who have been, or are being targeted, and/or bystanders, to send us the names of companies that should be investigated. We will then send an open letter to the boards of directors of each organization, recommending that they conduct an internal investigation. We will also welcome and become a vehicle for people to tell us their stories, and we will publish them on our site.

Everyone, regardless of gender, should come forward. Almost all of what has been reported has been open secrets for years, even decades.

There has never been a more opportune moment in time for people to be heard who have been abused and harassed.

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Ensuring Cultural Change in America’s Workplace

Could the culture of the American workplace be changing at last? In an article by the Editorial Board of the New York Times, a path is illuminated to help make sure it does.

It is important to understand that the issue of harassment goes well beyond sexual assault. The points being made in the article are dead on, i.e. the complicity of bystanders and the need for cultural transformations. For those who want to make a real difference, my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, provides advice to the bystanders on how to become witnesses, defenders, protectors and activists.

Michelle Ye Hee Lee and Elise Veebeck, in a Washington Post column, reveal how sexual-harassment victims in Congress can feel pressured because of loyalty and a confusing reporting process. It is disgraceful that Congress resists anti-harassment training, a process every other department of the government requires. Given that the seat of real power rests with those in office, this training, or lack thereof, should be revisited.

It is important to note from a practical perspective that following up on any infractions is crucial to successful cultural transformation. In my experience, at the whiff of any inappropriate behaviour, I speak directly with the person involved about what I heard, without any accusation. However, when they invariably try to argue, I cut the challenge off by saying something like, “Please don’t deny what I am hearing - and if you are doing anything that could be causing the noise - stop.” In over 99% of the cases I have dealt with this way, the noise and what caused the noise stopped - always satisfying those who were targeted.

These action steps are very likely the only ways that inclusivity and diversity can replace the current culture of bullying and harassment that dominate most companies and organizations in North America today.

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Emotional Intelligence Enables People to Have Critical, Successful and Difficult Conversations

Having difficult conversations is inevitable. Having successful discussions about difficult topics is challenging, if not seemingly impossible at times. Engaging in these conversations is a skill well worth developing. David Brooks, in this New York Times article, provides some useful advice for today’s tough climate.

In these conversations people should point out what they do and do not agree with. Expressing that someone has a legitimate grievance, and suggesting that there may be better ways to handle it, can disarm someone who just expects a fight. We are going through - and it will get worse - a period where the roles of bystanders and activists are critical. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I give guidance on how to go from being a bystander to becoming a protector, defender, resistor and activist.

In my blog, ‘The Importance of Learning to Civilly and Effectively Communicate Disagreement’, I discuss how Emotional Intelligence and living by the Golden Rule greatly enhances your ability to be effective. With the research that we’re engaged in with the Yale Center For Emotional Intelligence, in an initiative called Emotion Revolution in the Workplace, we have validated that emotional intelligence is a tremendous resource in having those critical, difficult discussions, in particular when the ethic of reciprocity is applied.

Having these critical and difficult discussions must also apply to others we have relationships with such as family, vendors, regulators, and communities. There is no question that there is huge discontent for a variety of reasons, which is fuelling the flames of bigotry, polarization, protectionism and extremism. I assert that creating emotionally intelligent schools, workplaces, and associations is perhaps our only hope in stopping the normalization of the abnormal.

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